Sex confessions from a third-trimester mum-to-be

When I first got pregnant, I heard stories about what pregnancy sex was like. “Oh, there is so much more sensation” and “my orgasms were so intense” as well as “my libido was through the roof!”.

I’m sorry, what? I’m here to be real. While some of those things might be true for some, you must be REALLY lucky to have experienced that. My friends know me for my libido. I love sex with my husband. I think about sex a lot! Pregnancy however, has introduced a whole new ball game.

I’m a third trimester pregnant mum-to-be, and these are some of my sex confessions.

My first trimester was horrendous and full of morning sickness (but the kind that lasts ALL day, not just the mornings). I was vomiting but also had vertigo, dizziness and crazy fatigue. In spite of my fatigue, I couldn’t sleep because I just felt too sick. I would compare the feeling of my morning sickness to a really bad hangover or food poisoning.

I would compare the feeling of my morning sickness to a really bad hangover or food poisoning.

I was exhausted and had no energy. I couldn’t keep much food down. It was not fun.

I was the furthest thing from horny, and my I’m pretty sure my husband didn’t want to go down that path anyway with someone who was prone to yell out “I think I’m going to vomit” in the middle of the act.

Ladies, second trimester is the place to be. Now we are getting somewhere.

My breasts had gone up in size from a small 12C to 12E – 2 whole cup sizes. I had cleavage for the first time. I felt sexy. Meanwhile, my bump was starting to show, but was still cute enough to wear sexy lingerie.

Best of all, I could also still MOVE (you’ll know why this is so important when you read on).

Oh yeh, my libido was back and I was loving sex again. It was not just ‘good’ it was sensational. It felt to me like the kind of sex that you have after some Mary Jane – all my senses felt awakened, and a touch ran through my entire body.

My one regret was not taking advantage of the second trimester enough. Even when my husband had fallen asleep on me, I should have woken him up, because this is the time to DO IT LADIES! AND DO IT AS MUCH AS YOU CAN!

STRIKE ONE – SORE IN MY ‘HAPPY PLACE’

Did you know that during pregnancy your vagina can get SORE? Not just a little bit sore, but REALLY sore. Yep, neither did I. I feel all swollen, and a touch down there feels like sandpaper grinding my skin.

It doesn’t happen to everyone, but hey – I suppose I’m just lucky like that.

Apparently, it’s a combination of the baby pressing down on the pelvic nerve, stretching of the pelvic ligaments, and increased blood flow to the uterus. Did you know that during pregnancy, the amount of blood in a woman’s body can increase by 50 percent? The majority of it flows towards the uterus which can also make the vagina and labia swollen, and sore to touch. Cry!

My ‘happy place’ from second trimester became my ‘sore place’.

STRIKE TWO – HAEMORRHOIDS

Come third trimester pregnancy, there was a new player in town – hemorrhoids.

Are you kidding me? I’m over 35 and I’ve NEVER had hemorrhoids in my life. The pressure of my growing uterus and the baby, as well as my growing constipation from pregnancy hormones, had apparently caused them.  When I first got them I thought I had worms(!) because my rectum was SO itchy. Then it transformed into a soreness so bad that I couldn’t sit down, and I even had problems sleeping. Who knew! Noone told me it could be this painful. Oh the creams worked….for a while. But then as the pregnancy went on, the weight of the baby got stronger and the downwards pressure got worse, and then so did the hemorrhoids. The creams stopped working. So of course this also meant a massive strike to the libido.

STRIKE THREE – THE ‘PIZZA THEORY’ FAIL

Ever see a turtle on its back, trying to get back up? I feel like there is a splint in place restricting my torso from being able to adequately use core muscles. Only it’s not a splint, its a mini human! I just lie there rolling from side to side and trying to find other muscles I can use to creatively change positions. Can you imagine this during sex? You’re probably thinking how sexy this is, right? Ha!

It’s awkward, and if you’re someone who is used to fast-paced sex with lots of position changes, then it’s a massive change and more than a bit of a disappointment.

Have you heard the saying: “Sex is like pizza. Even if it’s done bad, it’s still good.”

I’d rather have NO PIZZA than have bad pizza. Besides, I’d rather have a steak instead.

Well, I completely disagree. I’d rather have NO PIZZA than have bad pizza.

Besides, I’d rather have a steak instead.

STRIKE FOUR – GETTING KICKED DURING THE ACT

As the baby grows, it starts punching and kicking a lot harder. Oh yeh, and there’s some power to some of those punches and kicks in the last month of pregnancy. The position of my baby means I’m getting regularly punched downwards around the bladder and rectum, and kicked around the ribs.

So there I am, in the moment of sex with my husband and feeling all raunchy – then I get kicked by the baby.

So there I am, in the moment of sex with my husband and feeling all raunchy – then I get kicked by the baby. Then again, and again.

My eyes are looking at my husband, but my mind is now on the baby and what it’s doing in there.

Shit just got weird. Too weird.

That’s my third big strike to the libido.

THE ‘OTHER’ SEX

Just because sexual intercourse is off the table sometimes, doesn’t mean all sexual activity is. There is so much more you can do!

• Oral sex, and lots of it
• Touching and kissing erogenous zones on the body
• Sensual massage with happy endings
• Watch each other masturbate. Even if you are sore, taking over your own pleasuring means you are in control and know your own limits.

Enjoy!